Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
