I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Randomize
