Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
