oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
