he wants to bone in the snuggie
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
