I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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