i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
