problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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