If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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