Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
