My cat gives me a boner
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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