is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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