Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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