my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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