I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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