drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
