he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
