C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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