What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
