who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
