i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
