My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
