He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
