i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
