I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
