why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
