Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
