hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
