We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
