The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
