remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize