and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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