College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
