I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
