My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
