feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
