I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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