how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
