Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
