either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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