i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We named our party play list daddy issues
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
