From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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