If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
