remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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