I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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