I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
