i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
