I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
