They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
