Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you never un-have a 4some
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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