I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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