I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
