Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
