i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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