dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
