is your mom at the bar?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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