grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're a waste of cheezeits
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
