4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
