Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
