Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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