id be glad to
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
