Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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