Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
