Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
