The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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