I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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